I originally wrote this several weeks ago when I was having a wibbly day. I’ve been feeling not so good again lately, so I figured it would be a good time to post it.
I’m a little odd.
Sometimes I’m very odd.
I struggle with things that many people find easy.
I have to think my way through things that many people find intuitive.
I have to be analytical in situations where people usually think it’s best to “go with the flow.”
I’m anxious. Very anxious. Often.
Know what I’m not?
I’m not weak.
People sometimes treat me like I’m a fragile little flower. They see the ways I struggle and just assume that I must be delicate – they don’t bother to look any farther. They see how I am weak in ways that they are strong, and assume that must mean I am weak all over. The world may cater to the strengths of neurotypicals, and especially the strengths of extroverts, but that does not mean that my strengths don’t exist. Nor does it mean they don’t matter.
I’m afraid a lot. I’m even afraid of cantering during my horseback riding lessons.
I canter anyway.
I’m afraid of talking on the phone. When I need to, I talk on the phone anyway.
I am afraid of being honest about when there are ooky things going on inside my head.
I talk about them anyway.
There are lot of things I’m afraid of or that are overwhelming that I do anyway.
I learn, I grow, I challenge myself, I do things.
Yes, I need things. Things like accommodation, people to meet me part-way, understanding that I am not like most people and I don’t work the way they work.
What I don’t need is pity, or condescending pats on the head, or assumptions that I just can’t handle anything difficult.
Because I’m strong, that’s why. I’m stronger than I think I am, I’m stronger than many other people think I am, and I am darned well stronger than my fear.
Do you ever feel weak?
In what ways are you strong?