What am I?

So a while back I posted about self awareness and autism and how so many NTs seem to conflate social awareness with self awareness. Ya’ll seem to do it without even realizing it, acting surprised when people say “no, that’s not how it is, I don’t need social awareness to be self aware.”

I was thinking a bit where that might come from, and what’s involved in that. Ok, in that post I had said:

“mistaking what other people think of you for who you are”

Ok, so that’s a thing. Who you are and what other people say you are can, in all reality, be difficult to separate. When everyone around you says you’re a duck, it makes sense to take a look at yourself to see if maybe you are, in fact, a duck.

And I think many NTs don’t really question this all that hard. But I also think that NTs don’t actually run into a huge number of instances where large numbers of people around them insist that they are something that they are not. Off the top of my head I can see it for trans* issues, which certainly is a big deal, but that’s about it.

But when you are autistic, you have to do this all the time. For everything. With everyone. Because people will judge based on what they can see, and if they can’t see something in a way they can recognize, they will declare it not there.

So the non-verbal child who cannot communicate in a method that most people can recognize is declared to have a low IQ, to not know their own name, to not be self aware, to not be aware of their surroundings. We don’t know what’s going on in that child’s head, the thoughts that might be in there but not coming out in a way we can easily recognize. Can you imagine BEING that child? Everyone around you says that you don’t know who you are, that you can’t add or count or think or feel. That you don’t know what anyone is saying, because you don’t talk or respond to words the way they think you should. EVERYONE says this. Everyone believes it. Even the people who are supposedly on your side, supporting you.

And then there’s you. All alone. Bombarded with messages of who and what you are that are quite possibly entirely incorrect. How do you maintain your sense of self? How do you keep that from destroying you?

Well hopefully, you learn to disconnect what other people think of you from who and what you actually are. You forge a sense of self that is separate and distinct from the thoughts and beliefs of other people.

Because you have to, if you want to actually have you own identity and eventually grow into an adult who *can* show things in ways people can see.

And if you’re really lucky, maybe eventually people will see you as you are, rather than as you seem. But only those who are close to you, only those who get to know you, only those who learn that what they think they see may not be what actually is.

So yeah. I think we need to keep social awareness separate from self awareness. But I also think we need to get better at realizing that things aren’t always what they seem, that just because we can’t easily see something that doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

Because when we don’t do that, we can do some serious damage.

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1 Comment

Filed under ponder, rant, that's not helping

One response to “What am I?

  1. I think my older aspie son has been raised this way a lot…in some ways i think he has a lot more challenges than my younger nonspeaking son because he “passes til he fails” and then fails hard. So people dont understand that he really does need help and support and that one day he might need more sometimes less. I so wish i had found the autistic community much sooner because I spent a lot of time as one of those people. My younger son as I said is completely nonspeaking at 4 but I was lucky enough to find other non speaking blogs and voices while he was still very young…so ive learned to hear what he “says” and see just how intelligent he is and speak to him in that manner. While I’m sure he will have plenty who underestimate him, I hope i am laying that foundation for him to be confident enough when it happens to know that it is a flaw in THEM and not him.