I read this. I feel kind of awful linking to it, but I’m responding to bits directly so I seems to make sense to let you know what I am responding to.
I fight against autism
Ah. The battle metaphor. I have got to go over this more, but seriously, the battle metaphor is not a good one. Don’t fight autism. It is not your enemy.
I fight for my daughter to be a normal child
Well at least you directly said it. This is really sad, though and is really more about you than it is about her. You’re not helping her be the best her that she can be, you’re trying to get her to hide her differences so that she looks like everyone else. That is disturbing to me.
as a parent, I cannot give up the hope of reclaiming my child back from the claws of autism
So in this metaphor, autism is some kind of predatory beast with claws, that has taken your child?
Autism is the way her brain works. It is inherent to who she is. Autism is not a monster, and it does not have claws.
Will I ever get her completely back?
Back from where? She’s your daughter, and she’s right there. Maybe try to take her as she is, and accept her as she is. She’s not gone, and it’s on you to see that.
“What are you working for (choose reward) when you are playing dolls with me?” What a strange question to get a reward for what should be rewarding by itself to a regular child, but not to a child with autism.
No, it’s still a strange question. If she is doing something she doesn’t like, then it isn’t play for her. It’s work. Just because it’s the kind of play that *you* think that little girls should be doing does not mean that it is the only valid form of play out there. Why are you so threatened by the idea of just letting her be herself? Maybe relax some of your rigid standards about the right way to be.
calm down from her tantrums
an overpowering tantrum
It’s a meltdown. The word matters a lot, because they mean two totally different things.
I train myself to ignore her when she is asking without making an eye contact
Whoa. I just… I don’t even…
Eye contact is PAINFUL. Nor is it all that high on the list of necessary things to deal with in terms of autism. I mean, yeah, it’s helpful to be able to do so, but it’s actually not a huge deal. And sometimes we just CAN’T (at least, not without significant pain) and forcing us to do so in order to get our needs met is nothing less than cruel.
which encourage me to continue my fight against autism in my child and in other children I evaluate as a psychologist.
Oh dear. You’re encouraging other people to view autism as something outside their child, to be fought against? That honestly frightens me.
For our children with autism it is not important why they are sick
Autism is not a sickness. I am not sick because I am autistic. I do need to be helped, but I do not need to be cured. STOP IT.
Puzzle pieces are not flying around, my daughter does not run away or lie on the floor screaming. She can finish a board game. She wears many different clothes, and I almost forgot that it used to be only one dress and only yellow color.
Ok, I will say – I am glad for this. It sounds like there are concrete ways that your daughter is learning to manage herself, and that is good. I can only hope that she is also learning to accept herself as she is, love herself, and advocate for her needs. Based on what you’ve written, I think those other things – things that are extraordinarily important – are getting neglected in favor of getting her to look and act normal.
Oh, and the clothes thing? I wear almost entirely black, and when I find an item of clothing that I like I almost always get multiples of it if I can. Because in the end, diversifying my wardrobe matters much less than finding clothes that don’t hurt me or stress me out, and just staying appropriately clothed.