This is part II of that list of 36 questions that are supposed to encourage vulnerability and intimacy.
And now, you get to learn more about me! And once again, I’d love to see any answers you want to give.
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
This is a tough question. I’m torn about knowing the future. I’d be afraid that I would see something terrible and then would spend my life fearing whatever I’d seen, dreading the passage of time.
- Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
I would like to get a college degree.
My first try was, as briefly mentioned in my previous post, a failure. A disaster, really. Since then my obstacles are part money, and part a fear of failure. A fear that I won’t be able to do the work necessary to earn that degree.
That said, if Obama’s thing about providing free tuition for two years at a community college goes through, I like to think that I would absolutely run out and try my hardest, no matter what I feared.
For a while transportation was also an issue, but that is one that has been largely resolved.
- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
I hate to say it, but I honestly don’t see myself as having any particular accomplishments. I guess this blog is an accomplishment. 400 likes on facebook, over 100 people following my email. That’s not too shabby, really.
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
Memories of my grandfather. I loved him very very much, but he died when I was young. He lived in Tennessee and raised chickens (and other birds, but I mostly saw the chickens) and visiting him was always the highlight of my entire year. Even now, I still miss him.
- What is your most terrible memory?
By and large, I’d say the deaths of those I love are consistently my most terrible memories. The recent death of Genzi (my cat) definitely tops the list right now.
- If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
I think I would do a lot more going out and meeting people. I am lonely and isolated and I don’t like being that way. Right now I am in a down-cycle, not trying to expand my social circle, because of circumstances in my life right now and the high cost of trying. But if I knew I only had a year left, long term consequences wouldn’t really matter anymore, so high cost and high risk would be more worth it.
- What does friendship mean to you?
Closeness. Spending time together. Sharing our interests and passions, some of which will likely overlap, others of which will not. One-on-one social contact. Caring about each other.
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
I am having trouble answering this question. I do know that when I am close to someone, I feel that closeness very intensely. Yeah… I’ve gathered that I do tend to be intense. When I love, I love deeply. As it is, love and affection mostly exists between me, Nee, and our cats. er. Cat. Genzi died.
- Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
Positive characteristics of Nee:
They work to make our house better.
They like it when I ask lots of questions and get nosy about their computer games.
They work to support us both.
They are a cat person.
Their sense of humor is compatible with mine.
Positive characteristics of my readers:
You read my blog (yay!).
You leave comments.
You contribute when I ask for help with things.
You care about autism.
You are all individuals, beautiful and flawed in your own ways.
Nee’s list of positive characteristics of me:
good with cats
Your list of positive characteristics of me:
I don’t know. I guess you’ll have to answer if you want to.
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
Really not warm and close at all, actually. My mom was deeply unhappy in a marriage where she felt (and was) taken for granted. My dad is emotionally distant, shows very little affection, and never, ever gives praise (or at least, he never gave ME praise). My mom would sometimes vent to me about my dad when I was very little, and then get angry with me when I did not understand that it was all supposed to be secret. When they finally divorced it was profoundly stressful and difficult for me. At the time I was incredibly angry with my mom, but it did not take long for me to learn why she could no longer live with my dad. Really, a bad situation all around.
Though on the plus side, my mom generally tried to support and encourage my creative side, and my dad sort of supported my intelligence.
Now, though, my mom and I are reconciled, though not actually all that close. My brother and I have also reconnected and try to keep in touch, but also are not super close. I no longer speak to my dad.
- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Oh. Well I kind of already answered this one. At this point I think it would be nice to be closer, but I’m not really sure how to do that. Just chatting on the phone is so awkward for me. Maybe we should try to write each other letters. Or take up texting.