Ok, fairly regularly I’ll see things about self care. Specifically, the importance of self care and various examples of self care. These are great! I love self care and I love seeing people promote self care.
But sometimes I then see arguments about self care. Different people have different needs, and so self care often looks different for different people. Pretty straightforward, right? Well, sometimes Group A will declare that THEIR needs are more real and important than the needs of Group B, and so the self care of Group B does not actually “count” as self care. For example, taking meds vs. taking a bath, or keeping doctor’s appointments vs. drinking a hot cocoa.
I’ll be honest – that irritates me. Kind of a lot. The reality is it’s ALL self care. ALL OF IT. Self care is simply identifying your needs, and then fulfilling them yourself. No more, no less.
Let me use myself as an example. I deal with pretty severe depression and anxiety. So my self care involves taking my meds every day and keeping my appointments with my therapist, as well as working hard in said therapy.
Something is wrong with my sense of thirst, so it’s way too easy for me to get dehydrated. Like, to the point that it’s landed me in the hospital in the past. So my self care is also working hard to remember to drink water. Since I can’t trust my body to tell me how much water I need I simply make a point to drink 64 ounces of water a day. By extension, my self care also means not listening to the people who try to tell me that the 64 ounces thing is a myth and I’ll totally be fine if I just drink when I’m thirsty. I won’t be ok if I do that, I haven’t been ok doing that, I am taking care of myself in the way that I need to.
I have been experiencing pain for several days now due to a muscle in my thigh being about as tight as an iron rod. This means that self care might be (if I actually manage to do it) taking a hot bath or maybe going and getting a massage. Oh, and it’s legitimately way easier for me to take my meds every day than it is for me to go draw and take a hot bath. Why? One is in my routine, and one isn’t.
Self care can mean that I carefully limit my exposure to stressful news – being as informed as I can handle, but taking breaks when I need to. It can mean having a hot cocoa and doing breathing exercises when my stress levels get too high, or maybe when I get too irritated at people telling me that I don’t need to worry about my water intake (seriously, this drives me bonkers).
Ultimately, just to really hammer in the point here, self care is taking care of myself. It involves a wide variety of things in order to address my various needs. I am a human being, just as complex and contradictory as any other human being, so my needs reflect that complexity.