Tag Archives: hobby

I feel kind of defensive about this

When I see people talking about positive traits in other people, “ambition” tends to rate really highly. We’re all supposed to have ambition, and lack of ambition is seen as a personality flaw.

Of course, “ambition” always seems to be short for “career ambition.” It seems we’re all supposed to have a goal to advance in our career in some way, and if we don’t there’s something wrong with you. Something *bad* about you.

I don’t know, maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe it’s just me being twitchy and defensive, because this is an area in which I do not, at all, fit into how society tells us we are supposed to be. It’s an area that gets me judgement when people learn about it. If I’m lucky, all I’ll get is a “look.” If I’m not so lucky, I get grilled about what I’m doing instead and why I don’t have a job. I rarely want to tell these people that I’m on the autism spectrum or my history with mental illness that has kept me out of work, so it can get really uncomfortable and awkward. I mean, this is why I do not want people to ask me about work as an ice breaker.

So it’s true that I don’t have career ambition. I mean, I don’t have any career. Nor is getting a job anywhere on my short-term goals list (it’s a possibility down the line, but right now? unless something magically falls into my lap, it’s not going to happen). I don’t think this makes me bad. Nor do I think it’s cool to make “ambition” only be about careers.

Sometimes I see people who have greater struggles than I do redefine independence. Instead of independence being about not needing help, independence should be about freedom of choice. Sometimes people need help – that doesn’t mean we should be denying them the ability to have determination over their own lives.

I suppose it may be a lesser issue, but I want to do something similar with ambition. I don’t lack goals, my goals just have nothing to do with my nonexistent career. I am actively working to improve myself in all sorts of ways, and I always am. I have goals about getting more mobile, about finding more ways to contribute to my household, about volunteering at the barn where I ride, about the various crafting things I always have going on, about my writing… Honestly, you don’t get to tell me that none of that counts as ambition. Sure, it doesn’t look “normal.” Sure, things that are “just hobbies” for other people are serious business for me. Sure, I’m struggling with things most people have down by the time they’re my age. That’s kinda how it goes with me.

But it doesn’t mean I’m less than you. It doesn’t mean I’m a lazy layabout. It doesn’t mean I’m not ambitious. It just means I’m not like you, and that’s ok.

 

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